One night Maria Sharapova gave
Serena Williams a call. Serena was a bit surprised but was still willing to
listen to what the Russian had to say and she responded appropriately.
SW: Hello, who’s
this?
MS: It’s your
greatest rival.
SW: You don’t
sound like Venus to me.
MS: I’m not Venus
you dummy. I’m Maria.
SW: With all due
respect Maria, a blonde whom I’ve beaten countless times should be the last
person on earth to call me dummy.
MS: Why do you
always have to give people this attitude? Geez. Enough already.
SW: So let me get this straight, you call my phone in the middle of
the night, call me dummy when I can’t recognize your voice, as if I was even
supposed to anyway, and then you have the audacity to tell me that I have an
attitude?
MS: What does
audacity mean?
SW: You’re blonde.
You wouldn’t understand if I tell you.
MS: Excuse me? Do
you have something against blondes?
SW: Do you have
something against me?
MS: Why would you
think that I would have something against you?
SW: Well let’s see, like I said before, I have beaten you countless
times on the tennis court on all surfaces. I have more overall titles than you.
Including Grand Slams and career prize money. I am ranked number one in the
world and I am the current holder of all the Grand Slam titles.
MS: You think
winning titles is everything in sports?
SW: Yes. That’s
why I’ve been so successful for more than a decade.
MS: Well I’ve
been fairly successful too. I have made millions of dollars…………..in endorsements.
SW: Precisely.
Just like your compatriot Anna Kournikova.
MS: Anna who?
SW: Kournikova.
Another Russian blonde with an American accent who my sister Venus and I beat
regularly when she played. She’s retired now.
MS: I have never
heard of her.
SW: Of course you
wouldn’t. You’re so full of yourself.
MS: I beg your
pardon?
SW: Any woman who
can name a candy line Sugarpova as a variation of her surname has to be full of
herself.
MS: Don’t you
think that it’s important that I look at other avenues of earning money? I
can’t play tennis forever you know.
SW: And you think
that as a professional athlete, selling candy to little children is the best
way to earn money outside of tennis?
MS: Listen, it was just a suggestion by my agent and I thought that
I’d go along with it. Is it my fault that the venture would have been a
success? Besides, both you and I know that I also have the ability to win on
the court. Can’t you remember how I beat you at Wimbledon in 2004?
SW: And how many
times have I beaten you since then?
MS: Such statistics are irrelevant to me. In
addition to which, I also won the US Open in 2006, the Australian Open in 2008
and the French Open in 2012 and 2014.
SW: The statistics of my beating you would obviously be irrelevant
to you because it is too much losses for you to count. Besides, this year I am
going for the calendar Grand Slam; having copped the first three Grand Slams of
2015 already. Do you think you can do that Ms. Sugarpova?
MS: Look, I can see that this is going
nowhere. I have had enough.
SW: Enough of what? This conversation or my
beating you?
Maria, in a rage, slammed the
phone down on Serena. Still angry, she thought to herself: ‘I’ve had it up to
here with this girl. Her domination of women’s tennis has to stop. It’s time
that I come up with a sinister plan just like another blonde in another sport
did to her great rival some years ago.’ Soon after Maria went online and sent a
friend request to Tonya Harding on Facebook.
