Wednesday 8 June 2016

Candid Confessions of Athletes

            World Champion in the women's 200M sprint, Dutchwoman Dafne Schippers has admitted to taking performance enhancing drugs. On the eve of the Diamond League meet in Oslo in which she was expected to take part in the 200M, a teary-eyed Ms. Schippers called a press conference to come clean. "I am very sorry for what I have done." "I did dope to medal in the 100M and to win the 200M in Beijing at the World's last year." "How else was I supposed to challenge those Jamaican girls?" The confession has shocked the sporting world similar to the way Maria Sharapova's admission to testing positive for Meldonium use at the Australian Open earlier this year did. The IAAF and WADA have said that Schippers will serve a two year ban. In addition to which, she will have to return the silver and gold medals she won at the Beijing World's last year along with the silver medal she won at the Indoors in Portland back in March and whatever prize monies she's gotten in appearance fees and Diamond League wins for the past year. She has also lost endorsement deals with Nike, Ziggo Sport and AA Drink. Schippers' woes have set social media ablaze. 
            
              One Facebook commentator going by the name Queen Shaneequa said: "I always knew all along that that Becky Bitch was cheating. Dese cracka girls always wanna dominate everything that we black women excel in but they know fully well that they can't compete with us. That's why they always have to juice up to compete. I always thought she looked manly. Now I know why." The post has received over a million likes as of this writing. The fiasco surrounding Schippers has come as a huge blow to the Dutch Olympic team just under two months before the world's greatest multi-sport spectacle begins in Rio de Janeiro. Schippers was seeking to become the first Dutchwoman to do the sprint double at the Olympic Games since the legendary Fanny Blankers-Koen. The latter was the first and only woman to date to win four gold medals in Olympic track and field. It was a feat she accomplished 68 years ago at the 1948 London Olympics.

              On the eve of the Euros which are scheduled to kick off on Friday, Portuguese Captain and star player Cristiano Ronaldo, fresh off his third Champions' League triumph and second with the legendary Real Madrid team, has said that if Portugal doesn't win its first major title in France this year, he will retire from international football. Speaking to reporters after his arrival in the French capital, the 31 year-old Ronaldo, playing in his fourth Euro tournament, when asked about his team's chances of winning their first major title, responded: "I think Portugal are one of the heavy favorites to triumph this year." "With me in the team anything is possible." "As long as my teammates give me most of the ball, something magical is bound to happen." "That's just the way it is." "Or rather, that's just how good I am."

              Finally, in tennis, Serbian world number one - Novak Djokovic, fresh off his first French Open win, admitted that he would have committed suicide had he failed to break his Roland Garros jinx. Speaking to the French sports newspaper L' 'Equipe, Mr. Djokovic said, "I said to myself that if I lost a fourth final here that was it." "I would have ended my life because my whole world would have  been empty without the French Open title." "It would have been meaningless." "I didn't want to end up like Pete Sampras who never won at Roland Garros." "At least in a way I ended up better than him because I have won all four Grand Slams." A relieved Djokovic concluded.