Mexico to deport 1000 illegal Guatemalans in the next week in migrant crackdown

Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto says that his Government will deport one thousand Guatemalans who are living in his country illegally within the next week. In a nationally televised address, Mr. Nieto said:

    "Citizens of the Mexico, I the President of this great nation must inform you that Mexico is a sovereign state which has laws and they must be adhered to otherwise those found guilty of breaking them will suffer the consequences. It is a well-known fact that there are scores of Guatemalan immigrants who are here illegally and many are doing menial jobs which are low paying. That said, the Government of Mexico is of the view that those jobs may as well go to a Mexican national. Is there a job that an illegal Guatemalan can do that a Mexican can't? I want all Guatemalans living here illegally to know that this is not about xenophobia or anti-Guatemalan sentiment. This is about putting the welfare of the Mexican people first. If I as the dearly elected President of Mexico don't put my countrymen first, who is going to? Donald Trump?"

The President continued:

    "We all know how badly affected that our country has been by the brain-drain. So many of our skilled people leave the land of their birth. The country that nurtured them, educated them, gave them life, a culture and a language, to go to Uncle Sam's country where they end up facing so many problems. Especially racism from gringos like Senor Trump. But of course the racism is not only from the gringos; many Africanos Americanos despise our people too. Many of them say that if it weren't for our people coming to their country, they would be getting the jobs that Mexicans get. It's funny though that many of them never seem to know that there are jobs available in their own country until  Mexicans get them."

Nieto did extend his gratitude towards the Guatemalans though, as he went on:

   "But back to the Guatemalans. I have to say to them a heartfelt thank you for the contribution that they have made to our society. But as a proud Mexican I have to say that all Guatemalans who are here illegally will be rounded up and promptly deported. I have already received information from the Mexican Immigration Authority and they have provided me with a list of a thousand of them who are to be deported."

Nieto concluded:

  "This is just the start of us making our country great again like in the pre-Cortes era when our great ancestors the Olmecs, Izapas, Teotihuacans, Mayans, Zapotecs, Mixtecs, Huastecs, Purépechas, Totonacs, Toltecs and Aztecs ruled. Never again must another Hernan Cortes come to our land and take advantage of us, defeat us and ultimately rule us like what happened five hundred years ago. Even if the new Cortes doesn't look like an Espanole. Viva Mexico!"

Sumo Wrestling to become Olympic Sport in 2020

There is good news for guys who consider themselves overweight. The International Olympic Committee has given the all clear for Sumo Wrestling to be included on the Olympic Programme for the Tokyo 2020 Games. For years the Japanese Olympic Committee had been lobbying for the sport's inclusion in the Games and today the IOC finally acceded to their request. Reading from a prepared statement during a press conference at their headquarters in Lausanne Switzerland IOC President Thomas Bach, had this to say:

"The IOC has decided to make the ancient Japanese past time of Sumo Wrestling an official Olympic Sport. This is a Martial Art that originated over two thousand years ago and what more opportune occasion to make it an official Olympic Sport than in 2020 when the city of Tokyo is hosting the Games? If we can have Judo and Taekwondo in the Olympics, why not have Sumo Wrestling?"

The announcement did not sit too well with everyone though. Contacted to get his take on this latest move to make the Olympic Games....uh...bigger, retired Greco-Roman Olympic Wrestling Legend Alexandr "Russian Bear" Karelin opined:

"Can anyone tell me what ees so entertaining about two overweight men een thongs trying to poosh each other down? How does dees help to make thee Oleempeeks better? I thought that thee Oleempeeks was supposed to promote a poseeteev sporting eemage? Not endorse nudity and obeeseety."

Brazil makes dramatic change to Miss Bum Bum Competition

   In a shocking move that has stunned a nation overly-obsessed with the female derriere, organizers of the annual Miss Bum Bum Brazil Competition have said the competition will make a dramatic change which can potentially be for the better. In an interview with O'Globo newspaper, President of the Miss Bum Bum Competition Luiz de Oliviera has said that starting from next year the competition will switch from being a "flesh feast" to an "intellectual contest" and will be called Miss Brainy Brazil.

   Questioned about what was it that prompted such a drastic change to a competition that many Brazilian men have grown to love throughout the years, Mr. de Oliveira replied: 

"It is a well-known fact that Brazilian women are the most beautiful in the world and they just ooze sex-appeal. That said, I have come to the realization that this is typically how the world views our women. When they see Brazilian women, all they seem to think about is ass, ass, ass and sex. People must realize that there are more fascinating things about our women other than sex-appeal."

    Mr. de Oliveira further went on to explain that the replacement Miss Brainy Brazil competition will feature a question and answer segment in which the contestants will be quizzed on their knowledge of general trivia and they will have to wear an evening-gown with no plunging necklines and the back and arms must not be exposed. For the talent segment the competitors will have to either solve a Rubik's Cube in two minutes or less or face off against each other in a knockout chess match.

   Many Brazilian feminists celebrated the move. One particular on-line blogger who writes articles for the website feminina.com, Paula Soares called it "a major victory." Many horny men though, accustomed to cheap erotic thrills, are outraged. A group of about one thousand angry protestors, many holding placards took to the streets of Sao Paulo to show their dispproval about what they described as the "destruction of Brazilian culture." 

   Asked to comment on the matter, protester Leonardo Silva, in a sarcastic quip, responded:

 "It's wonderful to know that our country is slowly changing into Saudi Arabia. I am looking forward with optimism to that glorious day when Carnival and alcohol are banned."

Sesame Street creators apologize for negative messages contained in show

Creators of the children's hit TV show Sesame Street have apologized for what they say are negative messages contained in the show. Speaking to the tabloid Your Entertainment, founder of Sesame Street Workshop Joan Ganz Cooney had this to say:

"Sesame Street is one of the greatest TV shows ever made but I have to let you know that throughout the years there were certain negative messages which we know those poor innocent children would not have been aware of."

She continued: 

"Among those messages is the fact that we tried to portray Bert and Ernie as a gay couple. Think about it - two guys living in an apartment by themselves and over the years they never brought a girl like Prairie Dawn or Betty Lou over to sleep? Look who they brought over to sleep with them in the apartment - The Count and Cookie Monster. Look who Ernie had in the bathtub with him - Biff, Guy Smiley, Telly, Oscar, Big Bird and the lone female was a cow - Gladys."

The other negative messages that Ms. Cooney apologized for was making gluttony seem like an acceptable social norm as evidenced by Cookie Monster's insatiable appetite, Kermit the Frog's occasional outbursts of anger and his penchant for nudity except for when he is doing field work as a reporter, Grover's poor customer service skills, Guy Smiley's incessantly and unnecessary loud-speaking, the mocking of people with amnesia - Forgetful Jones and the continuous ridiculing of Oscar the Grouch, who despite being poverty-stricken, seems to love his social status.

"Regarding Oscar we were basically saying that it’s okay to pick on needy people and not try to help them and that being poor and miserable is quite alright. For all of this, we humbly apologize to all those little kids and parents out there and also to those adults who grew up watching the show." Ms. Cooney concluded.

YouTube video of German woman avoiding Syrian refugees sparks outrage

A YouTube video of a young German woman crossing the street to avoid a group of Syrian refugees who were walking in her direction has sparked outrage and accusations of "blatant racism" and "inherent xenophobia." The video which was posted by user Diversity Is Strength and titled Racist German Woman Avoids Syrian Refugees, ignited a huge debate in the YouTube comments section of the user's page.

In the video which was filmed at night time and is only forty-five seconds long with no audio, the young blonde, white woman wearing a grey winter coat and black pants with matching black ankle boots can be seen walking down a street in the German capital of Berlin clutching her handbag as she approaches a group of five Syrian refugee men coming in her direction. One of the men comes closer to her and appears to speak to her but instead of engaging in conversation, the woman quickly crosses the street in order to avoid them. 

One YouTuber going by the name Europe For Everyone commented:

 "Well done Germany on reverting to your Nazi past. Just imagine a poor Syrian refugee can't even engage in a healthy conversation with a German woman without being treated like a potential criminal. This blatant racism and inherent xenophobia has to stop."

One responder to Europe For Everyone going by the YouTube name Make Germany White Again, replied:

 "So avoiding potential muggers and rapists is equivalent to Nazism now? Wow! You know for a fact that Germany has gone to the dogs when the sexual cravings and hurt feelings of male foreigners are now more important than the safety and well-being of our own women."