In Brazil, Andressa Soares, also known as the Watermelon Lady, has been arrested, charged and could potentially face incarceration for one year and fined 1000,000.00 reals. Her crime? Twerking on Copacabana Beach in a G-string in front a group of amorous teenaged-boys. The buxom beauty and YouTube sensation who has gained fame for her voluptuous figure, huge, curvaceous derriere and sultry dance moves which places great emphasis on her rear-end was shocked and saddened by the news. A teary-eyed Soares said, 'I am so ashamed and sorry for what I have done. 'I have disgraced myself and my family.' 'I don't know what came over me.' The police officer who arrested the bombshell, Clovis de Oliviera said, 'I decided to make an example out of her.' 'We can't live in a country in which there is a huge statue of Jesus over-looking our most famous city Rio de Janeiro and then have this young lady behave like this. Doesn't she realize that that is how the world typically sees Brazilian women? They are seen as nothing more than women who are there just for the sake of getting men sexually aroused.' 'This cannot be right.' Officer de Oliviera also plans to bring a petition to the Mayor of Rio, Eduardo Paes, lobbying for the city's world-famous Carnival to be permanently banned.
In Venezuela, President Nicolas Maduro plans to bring a piece of legislation before the National Assembly which would effectively give his predecessor and late President - Hugo Chavez, deity-status similar to Kim Jong Il and Kim Il-sung in North Korea. It would also be illegal to deny that Mr. Chavez is a god and every home in the oil-rich South American country would be required to have a picture of him displayed. Those who deny that Chavez is a god and who fail to find a suitable portrait of him to display in their homes will be charged with blasphemy and be incarcerated indefinitely. Speaking to reporters regarding the controversial issue, Mr. Maduro said, 'Lord Chavez has done so much for this wonderful country.' 'Especially when he turned it into a Socialist state.' 'Venezuelans couldn't be happier.' 'This was the least that we could have done for him.' 'I know that Lord Chavez is looking down on the Venezuelan people right now from his heavenly home, smiling and giving us his eternal blessings.' 'Even the evil, sinful, right-wing opposition whom he always forgives despite their numerous short-comings.' 'I know for a fact that the new law would make all of us very happy.'
In Iran, the people of Barsian Village have elected their first Jewish mayor. Ehud Ben Eleazer, a former doctor who originally hails from Tel Aviv, Israel was elected in a landslide vote. Mr. Eleazer was quite thankful to all the villagers who elected him into office. Speaking to his supporters after his stunning victory over heavy-favorite Hassan Nouri, Eleazer said, 'I would like to thank all of you for your support during this election.' 'It just goes to show that Iranians are not hateful towards Jews as the Western media loves to assume.' 'I am looking forward to giving you people of Barsian Village the best representation ever.' Mr. Eleazer also went on to state that one of the first things that he will do as mayor is to humbly ask permission from the Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei for Hanukkah to be made an official holiday in the village with the hope of one day making it a national public holiday before his term as mayor ends. He will also try to convince Mr. Khamenei to make it a crime for anyone to deny the Holocaust and that those who do will be punished by public execution.
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