Interview with a Porn Star

 

One day journalist Paul Simmons from blogger.com sat down to do an interview with blonde Porn Star Alexis Texas. Ms. Texas is famous for her voluptuous derriere which is quite unusual by white girl standards. This is how the interview went.

PS: Good day Ms. Texas. My name is Paul Simmons from blogger.com and I would  like to ask you  just a few questions.

AT: Oh, nice to meet you Paul. I am delighted to answer your questions.

PS: So how are you today Ms. Texas?

AT: Horny as ever.

PS: (Smiling) Okay.  So tell me Ms. Texas, how did you get into this industry?

AT: Well to tell you the truth, I hated school. I was never really into the reading and writing thing and learning math all that rubbish. I wanted to do something that made me happy. So I started stripping at night clubs when I turned eighteen and it was a good friend of mine who suggested that I take it to the next level.

PS: So is it safe to assume that you are happy with what you do?

AT: Of course. It is the best job in the world.

PS: Don’t you think that such an occupation only serves to degrade women and make them look like they are nothing more than just sex objects?

AT: Oh not at all.  In case you haven't notice, there are a lot of guys who also do porn.

PS: True. But people seldom focus on the guy. Wouldn’t you agree?

AT: Well….uh… yeah, but uh.... you know.

PS: I know what?

AT: There is nothing in the profession that degrades women. In fact, in most cases the girl is already told what is going to happen so she is fully aware of what to expect on the set.
 

PS: What if you are told to do a scene with a guy that you don’t find attractive? Would you still go ahead with the scene?

AT: Well yes. It's my job. 

PS: If that’s the case Ms. Texas, why is it then that you said that you will not do a scene with a black guy?

AT : (Sighing) Here we go again. Look, I just feel that I should be more loyal to white men and my white male fan base. Is there anything wrong with that? Besides, Denzel Washington doesn’t kiss white women in his movies yet no one criticizes him. So why am I being singled out?

PS: Well I guess you do have a strong point there Ms. Texas.

AT: Thank you.

PS: But isn’t it true that you have done scenes with Latino guys and you also did one with an Asian guy?

AT: Uh…yeah. So what? Why do people always feel that I need to do a black guy to prove that I am not racist? It’s my body isn’t it? I have done an interracial lesbian scene with a black girl already. Her name is Misty Stone. So if people want to say that I am racist that’s fine by me. There are also many other blonde white girls who do interracial with black guys. Names like Brianna Love, Flower Tucci and Shyla Stylez, just to name a few, come to mind. Those people who have a problem with my not screwing black guys can go watch their films. I don’t know why I am the one being picked on.

PS: Again, another well taken point Ms. Texas. You speak with a sense of intelligence that belittles your good looks and blonde hair.

AT: Well thank you Paul. I really appreciate the compliment.

PS: Ms. Texas, are there any new projects that you are about to work on in the near future?

AT: Well yes. My agent suggested to me that I do a film at an exotic location. Right now he is in talks with the director to get other actors for the movie.

PS: And where exactly is this exotic location?

AT: Saudi Arabia.

PS: (Jaw drops) Where?

AT: Saudi Arabia. In a place called Riyadh. I think it’s like the capital or something. I don't know exactly where Saudi Arabia is though. It must be some cool place in Europe somewhere.

PS: (Shaking his head) Uh, actually Ms. Texas, Saudi Arabia is not in Europe. It's in the Middle East.

AT: Oh. That's okay. I'm sure I'll have lots of fun.

PS: Are you sure about that Ms. Texas? People in that part of the world tend to be very conservative you know.

AT: That's great. By the way, what does conservative mean?

PS: It means that they place great emphasis on traditional values. Especially religion  and how it pertains to the dress code and moral conduct of individuals. Women in particular are to dress a certain way which will not offend the governing authorities.

AT: Well, I don’t know. I just thought that it will be a great idea to do a movie at an exotic location. I was also told that it’s typically sunny there. In addition to which, I think that I can do with a tan anyway.

PS: Do you know what could happen if you get caught?

AT: No.

PS: You could be publicly flogged.

AT: (Smiling naughtily) Well I always wanted to try S&M anyway. I guess I’ll get some good practise (laughs). Hopefully the domme will flog me on my juicy booty. It could do with a little reddening up you know.

Seeing the cluelessness of this girl, Mr. Simmons realized that it was futile trying to convince her that she was basically walking into a trap. He gave up trying to dissuade her from continuing with the project.

PS: By the way Ms. Texas, what will the movie be called anyway?

AT: Infidel Whores.

PS: Thank you Ms. Texas. I'll look forward to seeing your movie.

AT: You know Paul, that beard on your face gives you quite an exotic look.

PS: And?

AT: Maybe you might want to be a cast member in the movie.

PS: (Shaking his head and smiling out of embarrassment) Well as enticing as your offer sounds Ms. Texas, I think that I'll have to decline your offer. I grew up in a conservative home. It's not part of my values. I hope you understand.

AT: Uh, kinda. What does conservative mean again?

PS: (Slapping himself on the forehead) Good grief. It looks like its deja vu for me.

Sporting Wishes

There is a song from the 1990 movie Pretty Woman which starred Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. The name of the song is called King of Wishful Thinking, by Go West. I have to say that there are many occasions when I do in fact feel that I am the king of wishful thinking; especially regarding sports. I know that some of these wishes are quite improbable and it may seem that I am hoping beyond hope, but on the other hand, some wishes seem quite likely to come to pass. So here goes. First the improbable; in football, The Netherlands will recover from its current dreadful showing in the Euro 2016 qualifiers and make it to France next year. They will then go on to erase bad memories of the debacle in Poland 2012, where they finished bottom-last in their group and ultimately the whole tournament, by going all the way to the final where they will beat long-time rivals and current World Champions Germany 3-2 in an epic encounter to win their second major title. Robben will score a hat-trick. 

 In tennis, an American other than Serena Williams will go on to win a Grand Slam singles title. More surprisingly, the player will be Caucasian and male. Maria Sharapova will play an entire match without shrieking. In MMA Ronda Rousey will suffer the first loss of her professional career. Her opponent would be Miesha Tate who, ironically, will win by an arm-bar submission. Cris Cyborg will admit that she is transgender. She will then fight Fallon Fox. The bout will end in a draw. Many experts will hail it as the best fight ever.  Boxing:Vitali Klitchsko will come out of retirement to fight younger brother Wladimir. They will both agree to fight at the MGM in Las Vegas. Wladimir will knock his big brother out in the tenth round.

More likely to happen: A Spanish team will once again go on to win the Champions League. The team will be either current champions FC Barcelona or Real Madrid. England will once again be knocked out of the Euro tournament at the quarterfinal stage.  Spain will make at least the semifinals. Lionel Messi and his Argentina team will once again come up short at the Copa America. Serena Williams will break Margaret Court’s record for most Grand Slam Singles titles won and will be hailed as the greatest female player of all time. She will also win an Olympic gold medal. The American men’s and women’s 4x100m track and field relay teams will once again drop the baton in the Olympic final and get disqualified. The Jamaicans will win both races. Usain Bolt will win three gold medals once again in world record times.

The Chinese will dominate in the diving and table tennis competitions. Katie Ledecky will emerge as the next big American Olympic star in swimming with a very impressive multiple gold medal haul. She will be hailed as the female Michael Phelps and her image will appear on the Wheaties cereal box because it is the breakfast of champions. The Americans will once again dominate in the Olympics and end up on top in the final medal count. Host Brazil will have its best ever medal haul and end up in the top five. They will finally win gold in football in both the men’s and women’s competitions. The more impressive will be the latter as they will finally defeat their great nemesis USA in an epic final at the Maracana. Marta will emerge as the hero.

Yelena & Jenn

     

One day while giving her little daughter Eva a stroll, Russian World Outdoor Record Holder in the Women's Pole Vault, Yelena Isinbayeva met up with her American rival, reigning Olympic Champion and World Indoor Record Holder, Jenn Suhr. This was how their encounter went.

YELENA: Hi Jenn.

JENN: Hi Yelena. How does it feel to not be in the spotlight anymore?

YELENA: Are you kidding? I have been very busy since winning my last major World Title two years ago. I was an official mayor in the Olympic Village when Sochi hosted the Winter Olympics last year. I gave birth to this beautiful little girl you see here and I also got married. What have you done? Besides lose?

JENN: I’ll just remind you that I am the reigning Olympic Champion in the Women’s Pole Vault; the most prestigious title in the sport and I am also the current World Indoor Record Holder in the event with a very impressive 5.02m clearance.

YELENA: All this talk and yet you couldn’t even win as much a bronze in Beijing at the World’s this year. I, on the other hand, have been a World Champion on three occasions and an Olympic Champion on two occasions. Too bad they don’t award medals to fourth place finishers otherwise you would have had a beautiful copper medal to add to your already small collection.

JENN: Just imagine a woman who is not a current champion in any major competition right now is giving me all this talk. You’re really shameless Yelena.

YELENA: Oh, I’m the shameless one. This is coming from a disrespectful American braggart who promised to “kick some Russian butt” in Beijing during the 2008 Olympics but only ended up in second place and then had no choice but to watch me set another World Record. I know you enjoyed my show that night at the Bird’s Nest. I was the big star that night and you were just an extra on the set who was hardly noticeable despite being 6 feet tall.

JENN: Yeah Yelena. The star who, a year later came back crashing down to earth in a city called Berlin. I really felt sorry for you that night at the 2009 World’s. In fact, if I was there I would have personally called the paramedics for them to rush you to the hospital. I know your ego was badly broken that night.

YELENA: It was Jenn. You’re right. That’s why I left the stadium that night in tears. I feel no shame in that. Any great athlete can have a bad day. But I like how you conveniently bring up Berlin yet you failed to mention what happened in Zurich a week and a half later at the Golden League.

JENN: Let me guess, you did something extraordinary?

YELENA: Precisely Jenn. I set a new world record which still stands today. 5.06m. I also went on to win a share of the last Golden League Jackpot along with Sanya Richards and Kenenisa Bekele. I had previously won a share of the Golden League Jackpot in 2007; also with Sanya. I was then nominated for Female Athlete of the Year 2009 by the IAAF – an award I had already won on three previous occasions in 2004, 2005 and 2008. I lost out to Sanya that year but I didn’t mind. She fully deserved it. By the way, how many times have you won the Golden League Jackpot or the prestigious Athlete of the Year honour?

JENN: Well ain’t that typical of you Yelena? Always talking about yourself and your achievements.

YELENA: Didn't you hear when I also mentioned Sanya Richards and Kenenisa Bekele? You're not good at listening are you Jenn? Oh, but do you still remember how I also defeated you in front of my adoring home fans in Moscow two years ago? Both you and Yarisley came in as favorites but I left with the title. Yarisley even defeated you in Beijing this summer didn’t she? Likewise Fabiana and Nikoleta. If I were you I would cherish the lovely memories I had from London 2012 for as long as I live because it is hardly likely that you will experience such a great win again.

At this point baby Eva started to cry, so Yelena took her out the pram and began to bottle feed her.

JENN: Moscow is in the past. Let’s talk about Rio. I’ll call it Yelena vs. Jenn part IV.

YELENA: Well at least you’re right about Yelena vs. somebody. I wouldn’t put the name Jenn there though seeing that Yarisley seems to be the girl to beat right now. Fabiana is also a factor. Likewise Nikoleta and even some of my Russian compatriots. Silke can’t be written off either seeing that she came so close to getting on the podium in London and Moscow even though she wasn’t a factor in Beijing. You can never tell what can happen. I know for sure that I’ll be ready to reassert my dominance over the competition once again just like I did for five straight years from 2004-2008.

JENN: Are you so sure about that Yelena?

YELENA: As Suhr as I was when I knew that I would have beaten you in 2008 and 2013. Pardon the pun.

JENN: Well it’s on then. May Rio determine who is the best woman in the sport.

YELENA: It’s already a well-established fact that I am the best. History and the Record Books can confirm this. Rio will only reaffirm my supremacy. Be prepared to enjoy the drama.

JENN: I will because I’ll be starring.

YELENA: I’ll write the script and direct it then.

At this point Jenn became speechless; unable to come up with an appropriate response. She just shook her head and humbly walked away as Yelena gave her a sly smile; quite satisfied that she had won the argument. She was now thinking about winning what mattered most - Olympic Gold in Rio next year.

A world without sports

             There was a hit song from 1983 called Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder. The opening line of the song went, 'Last night I had the strangest dream.' Well, last night I did in fact have the strangest dream. Although, frankly speaking there were times when the dream seemed more like a nightmare. In my dream I was living in a world where there was no such thing as sports so some of my favorite athletes found alternative ways to make a living regardless of how modest or extreme. Here's what I saw, Lionel Messi became a full time gaucho on the Pampas and spent a simple life raising cattle and selling beef. Abby Wambach was an LGBT activist advocating for equal rights for people who make up that community. Hope Solo and Alex Morgan were porn stars. Their on-screen names were Hope So Luscious and Alexandra Morgasm. Two of the more successful X-rated films they appeared in together were aptly titled On-Field Seductions and How Chicks Score.

              Ronda Rousey worked as a prison guard but still did what she does now - beat up people and break their arms. The only difference is that now she was doing it for less money and with more risks involved. Serena Williams became a professional twerker on YouTube and was more famous and successful than Virgo Peridot, Melody Jai and Elke The Stallion.Usain Bolt was now a Dance Hall artiste going by the name Sprinter and got into a never-ending conflict with Movado and Busy Signal.

          Maria Sharapova became a fashion model and appeared on catwalks all over the world from New York to Sydney. The only problem she had now was that she was barely recognizable seeing that there were so many tall, slim blondes in the profession. She never stood out. Novak Djokovic became a professional comedian in his native Serbia but couldn't find much fame outside his country and Roger Federer became CEO of Toblerone Chocolates; the company based in the Swiss Capital of Berne.

             But perhaps the strangest and most troublesome aspect of my dream was when World Record Holder and former World and Olympic Champion in the Women's pole vault - Yelena Isinbayeva divorced her husband Nikita, who is also the father of her daughter Eva, to marry Russian President Vladimir Putin effectively becoming First Lady of Russia and wife to a man many see as a despot. What was even more disturbing was when they hired Pussy Riot and t.A.T.u to perform at their wedding which was held in the Kremlin with innumerable guests. Too much to count. It was then that I fell out of bed and woke up screaming. My heart was still beating as fast as possible. But it was all over now. Phew! Thank God that it was just a dream and my favorite athletes still have the jobs which make them famous and wealthy and that ultimately makes me and the rest of their loyal fans quite happy.

In the News

                In the news today a Christian Fundamentalist group calling itself Soldiers for Christ blew up a building in an upscale part of the Saudi capital Riyadh, killing 25 people and injuring 77 in the process. Its claim is that it believes that it is about time that Christians be recognized as an oppressed minority in the Kingdom and that women of all religions should be given equal opportunity in the ultra conservative country. The leader of the group, Peter 'First Pope' St. John went on to state that if the Saudi Government didn't give in to its demands, it should expect more attacks. U.S. President Barack Obama was one of the first world leaders to condemn the attack, saying that Christian terrorism is wrong and that the people who committed such an atrocious act should be eliminated. He then stated that he will be flying to Riyadh soon to show solidarity with the Saudi people. Asked by reporters why he didn't do the same thing after the Charlie Hebdo massacre earlier this year in France, Obama responded, "what massacre in France?"

                In other news, the Japanese Government said that it is willing to accept some of the refugees who are fleeing war-torn Syria. Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, speaking to the press said, "our country has been racially and culturally homogeneous for too long. Its about time that we the Japanese people experience multiculturalism." "I think that it will be good for our country," Mr. Abe concluded, to loud cheers from Japanese and foreign journalists.

                 In the Vatican, Pope Francis I said that work is in place for the first synagogue to be built right next to St. Peter's Basilica. The Pontiff and successor of the first pope St. Peter, the apostle of Jesus, said that it was about time that the Catholic Church gives recognition to the Jewish people after all the wrongs that it has done to them in the past. The Pope also said that the synagogue will be named after the Virgin Mary.

                  In Ferguson, Missouri, USA, a mob of about twenty white rioters, angry over the result of a hockey game which they claimed was fixed, attacked a black news crew who went to cover the initial incident, beating a female reporter into a coma and then assaulting the camera man. One of the rioters filmed the whole incident on his mobile phone and was heard shouting: ''Stormfront!'' It was a reference to the White Supremacist website. Attorney General Loretta Lynch was quick to condemn the attack. She called it a hate crime and said that those caught will be brought to justice.

                  In sports news, Justin Gatlin said that he believes that reigning World and Olympic Champion Usain Bolt is using PED's. Gatlin was quoted as saying: "There's no way that that dude can run so fast and with such consistency." "I think he's doped." Bolt could not be reached for comment because he was in Jamaica training hard for his next meet and refused to answer any calls. In tennis, Maria Sharapova admitted that she is jealous of Serena Williams and her success. ''I really can't stand her.'' Sharapova is reported to have said. When pressed further, the Russian continued, ''if it wasn't for her I would have had more Grand Slams and an Olympic gold medal.'' She was then asked to explain how is it then that she lost the 2011 Wimbledon final to Petra Kvitova and the 2012 Australian Open final to Victoria Azarenka, when she came into both finals as the firm favorite to win seeing the it was both Ms. Kvitova's and Ms. Azarenka's first time appearing in Grand Slam finals and that she had been in finals before and even won some, Sharapova responded, ''Can't a girl have a bad day?''

               In entertainment news, a sex video of Miley Cyrus engaging in intimate acts with another unidentified girl and a guy is reported to be circulating on the internet. The video can be found on the website www.beaslut.com and can be downloaded for a small fee. Miley couldn't be reached for comment, but it is widely believed that the video was done to enhance her career, just like similar sex tape scandals enhanced the careers of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.

Gym Routines

                For the past six months now I have been going to the gym. I know that I wrote in an earlier blog that I prefer to run than go to the gym, but on the insistence of my sister, I decided to give it a try. I have to admit that it was not my intention to look like Mr. Olympia. I just wanted to look toned. I have to say that I didn't know how hard weight training is. It leaves you in pain and at my age that pain can be a bit difficult to bear sometimes. My favorite exercise whenever I go is to work out is running on the treadmill. Nothing seems more effortless than running on the treadmill. But then again, I love running. The weight training is another issue. Sometimes whenever I start my routine as directed by the gym-instructor, I struggle to even lift the weights. My muscles (or lack of it) hurts so bad. But I guess that is all part of it. As the saying goes: 'No Pain No Gain.' The first day I started going to the gym, I specifically told the instructor that I don't want to look too buff. I preferred to look more lean and toned, like Bruce Lee. He was quick to inform me that Bruce Lee dedicated his whole life to get his body and that his look was also part of his career. He was right. That said, I know that it was always going to be difficult whenever you start the gym. I always seem to get the impression that I am not doing enough or that I am not seeing the results that I want.

                There was this one time that I was lifting weights as instructed by my trainer and the pain was unbearable. I put the weights down and just started to rub my sore muscles that ached so badly. I am always amazed at folks who seem to be older than I and can do their routines with such ease and with apparent lack of effort. I always wonder to myself: 'Are they more disciplined than me?' 'Is it something genetic?' 'Do I still need more time?' Still, with all the weightlifting that I have been doing, my biceps are still soft. Sometimes I wish that life was like a cartoon. You know, like Popeye the Sailor. All he has to do is eat a can of spinach and "Voila" he is strong.  Unfortunately, this so-called instant strength that he gains from the spinach is only temporary though. So real life is not like a  cartoon where anything can happen. It requires a lot of discipline, dedication and hard work. It is still somewhat rewarding though that, after a hard day at the office, you can come into the gym and just forget the previous eight hours that just went by. What you did wrong or what you didn't do. How many difficult people you had to deal with who were constantly giving you attitude. You just change into your gym clothes and erase the bad work day you just had from your mind. Your main focus is on yourself. Getting that desired body that you always craved or losing those excess pounds.

               Beads of sweat pour down your face as you start to run on the treadmill. You then turn the speed up because you want to show off to the person next to you how much stamina you have gained and how fast you think you can run. And even when he or she is finished you still continue because you don't want to make it seem that you have been to the gym for so long and you are not "fit." You then go on the bike and do the same thing. But then, as the saying goes, "all good things must come to an end." Your gym instructor is now ready for you now to start an exercise and he points you to the barbell. Your jaw drops as he tells you to add on some more weights.  He then instructs you on how much repetitions you must do and your heart begins to beat faster than ever. It is then you realize that you are not as fit as you think you are and that achieving the specific goal you want is not going to happen overnight.  You continue to struggle with the routine with the hope to one day see dramatic results. Nothing is ever going to happen like magic. It requires a lot of hard work. If this wasn't the case, everyone would be fit. I guess the same can be said about life's other aspects. Hard work really does bring success. How long one is willing to work to achieve that success comes down to the individual's own determination to succeed.