A world without sports

             There was a hit song from 1983 called Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder. The opening line of the song went, 'Last night I had the strangest dream.' Well, last night I did in fact have the strangest dream. Although, frankly speaking there were times when the dream seemed more like a nightmare. In my dream I was living in a world where there was no such thing as sports so some of my favorite athletes found alternative ways to make a living regardless of how modest or extreme. Here's what I saw, Lionel Messi became a full time gaucho on the Pampas and spent a simple life raising cattle and selling beef. Abby Wambach was an LGBT activist advocating for equal rights for people who make up that community. Hope Solo and Alex Morgan were porn stars. Their on-screen names were Hope So Luscious and Alexandra Morgasm. Two of the more successful X-rated films they appeared in together were aptly titled On-Field Seductions and How Chicks Score.

              Ronda Rousey worked as a prison guard but still did what she does now - beat up people and break their arms. The only difference is that now she was doing it for less money and with more risks involved. Serena Williams became a professional twerker on YouTube and was more famous and successful than Virgo Peridot, Melody Jai and Elke The Stallion.Usain Bolt was now a Dance Hall artiste going by the name Sprinter and got into a never-ending conflict with Movado and Busy Signal.

          Maria Sharapova became a fashion model and appeared on catwalks all over the world from New York to Sydney. The only problem she had now was that she was barely recognizable seeing that there were so many tall, slim blondes in the profession. She never stood out. Novak Djokovic became a professional comedian in his native Serbia but couldn't find much fame outside his country and Roger Federer became CEO of Toblerone Chocolates; the company based in the Swiss Capital of Berne.

             But perhaps the strangest and most troublesome aspect of my dream was when World Record Holder and former World and Olympic Champion in the Women's pole vault - Yelena Isinbayeva divorced her husband Nikita, who is also the father of her daughter Eva, to marry Russian President Vladimir Putin effectively becoming First Lady of Russia and wife to a man many see as a despot. What was even more disturbing was when they hired Pussy Riot and t.A.T.u to perform at their wedding which was held in the Kremlin with innumerable guests. Too much to count. It was then that I fell out of bed and woke up screaming. My heart was still beating as fast as possible. But it was all over now. Phew! Thank God that it was just a dream and my favorite athletes still have the jobs which make them famous and wealthy and that ultimately makes me and the rest of their loyal fans quite happy.